Inside Studios Merch Descriptions

After he announced the Inside Cinematic Universe in the Inside Outtakes, Bo posted that new merch would be available online via his Only Fans-esque bathroom photos. Woot!

What we didn't realize at the time was that ALL of the "wearable content" descriptions would be hysterically funny and absurd, each written in a way that is SO Bo lol.

In case the merch ever disappears off of the internet forever, here are all of the items and their hilarious descriptions for posterity purposes. Enjoy!

Phone Case:

• Thematically on brand, but not something that I would buy, personally, just being honest.

Tote Bag:

• Helps the environment? Right?

• Can be used to carry the other tote bags you don't use.

• Cheap! (To make)

Fanny Pack:

• Put some Dramamine in one of these, strap it on, and go to Busch Gardens you little freak.

• You know what "fanny" is slang for in Britain? That's wild.

Hey, can you hold my fanny pack? I'm gonna go fuck a woman!

Tee:

• Includes EXCLUSIVE HOLES for each of your arms and your head (and body!)

• You can wear it in the shower and get it all wet and send us pictures of you in the shirt all wet if you want (over 18 only!!!!! and only blonde guys please!!!!)

Hoodie:

• Exclusive, metallic ZIPPER MECHANISM that ZIPS like you wouldn't fucking believe.

• A "hood" that you can "wear" over your "head" while you "fuck" your "friend's sibling(s)."

Baseball Hat (doesn't match Bo's in the Outtakes though):

• Gorgeous, sloping, yonic, pringle-ish brim beneath the iconic embroidered Inside Studios logo.

• Wear it low, covering your eyes as you hurry into court to fight for visitation rights.

• Over two dozen dollars!

Long Sleeve Tee:

• Mindblowingly long sleeves that reach all the way to your wrists!

• It isn't just the t-shirt with longer sleeves, trust us!

• Can be worn by any nationality! (like if you're Polish or whatever you are allowed to wear it, we don't care)

Mug:

• Handmade by a machine!

• Hand-printed label by a machine that prints labels on things!

• Don't fill it with you-know-what.

• Can be smashed at the feet of your father!

BONUS:

In late November 2022, four new items briefly appeared in Bo's store—a tent, a door, a button-up shirt, and a mysterious item that just said "TEST." The tent and door were listed as "SOLD OUT" and apparently cost $999.99 (too steep of a price for the average Bo fan, I'd presume).

This was either a snafu or mix-up because NONE of those items was actually available for purchase (although some Redditors gave it their best shot before receiving a refund).

I still want to see the tent in real life!