This July 13th marked the five-year anniversary of me adopting my sweet dilute tortie Jemima (AKA Jemmy or Jem).
We've been through a LOT together—especially this past year with my separation, living alone for the first time, and moving in with my boyfriend Jeff—but my sweet kitty has always been by my side. And what better way to celebrate this grand milestone then with a song parody?
Five Years with Jemima
You're my best friend, I love you
You know me and I know you
We've had changes that we've been through
We got stuff that we'll get through
Jem's adoption photo online—look at those big eyes!
Uh
You think I'm rude to you
You think I am the worst
Because I ask when you come downstairs
To not scratch up the ottoman first
Jem's handiwork
C'mon
CHORUS: Five years, five years
Still you, still me, still here
Five years, five years, Jemmy,
Five years, five years
I order cat food, you're eating your food 'til
You reach over and you take a noodle
You don't even meow or whine like a poodle
Why would you assume that you're entitled to a noodle?
The noodle burglar in action
So I look at you
You look back at me like "what the hell did I do?"
If you really wanted some pasta then,
you really shoulda let me know when
I gave you food today
You look at me sideways
And I, I approach with dismay
"You should drop it," I say with some zeal.
Okay, but for the record
You owe me some petting, I mean it, I wont't forget
You owe me some petting or a catnap equivalent
My sleepy girl with some of her toys. She's using one as a pillow!
Chorus
We found a spider in the room
I screamed and I told you to get it soon
Since you were lying on the bed
You flexed your claws, and then I pled
I say "you should kill that"
You think, "um no, screw that"
I say "come on, be a CAT!"
WHAT?!
"You're an environmentalist, an animal rights fighter
But your hold whirl view collapses the moment there's a spider.
Cool, I get it. THIS is the real you.
It's a pleasure. Nice to meet you.
Stuff like this brings the movement down.
Everyone loves animals until there is a spider around."
Chorus
How come every time I need to take a poo in the bathroom
You out of the blue must sit in the bathroom
Just wait outside the bathroom
That's why we lock the bathroom
Just wait outside the bathroom
That's why we lock the bathroom
Jem guarding the bathroom door
And you know
A photo of Jem with my White Woman's Instagram pillow. I loved it so much that I had my boyfriend replicate Jem's adorable self in a drawing (now hanging proudly above our TV)
For more Jem-related songs, check out my 1985 parody here.
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